Bunting

As you know, here at Beyond Reason, we always tackle the biggest, most important issues of the day. A philosophical conundrum. A Buddhist koan. The t-shirt gun. Look, if it’s in Beyond Reason, it’s important. That’s why, this week, it’s time to consider bunting.

And to be clear—I’m not talking about the gorgeous but elusive painted bunting, the bird that, according to the internet, is gorgeous and elusive. I’m also not talking about what you do in baseball when, instead of hitting the ball far, you hit the ball near. On purpose. And I’m not talking about the bunting that is the festive string of triangle pennants you hang at a hoedown.

No, This week, we are talking about bunting. The red, white, and blue semi-ellipse that appears on balconies and parade floats and the front of buildings that want you to know something patriotic is going on in here.

Bunting. The scalloped bib of democracy.

Naturally, when anyone thinks long and hard about bunting, the first thing people ask is: why am I thinking so long and hard about bunting? But when they push past that, they arrive at a deeper question: Why bunting?

I mean, America loves decoration. We decorate for Valentine’s Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, and Easter. For Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Lights, garlands, inflatables, wreaths, tinsel, cobwebs, skeletons, hearts, eggs, etc. Americans want other Americans to know that they know how to read a calendar.

Americans decorate with almost every decoration under the sun. Almost. The exception is bunting. There is no Christmas bunting. No Halloween bunting. Attempt Saint Patrick’s Day bunting and you will get run right out of town.

Bunting is the exclusive domain of the Fourth of July. True, the most advanced bunters on this planet—those who know their way around a grommet—might display bunting on Memorial Day. But that’s it. There is absolutely no bunting after Labor Day. That’s a hard rule. And, since bunting is reserved for the Fourth of July and Memorial Day, thus, we conclude, for some reason—bunting is… patriotic?

And the question, of course, is: why?

I looked it up. The short answer is: bunting was born of function, took on symbolism, got popular during the centennial (1876), and was ready to party ever since. Also—bunting is a lot easier to pull off than a flag. If you’re going to rock an American flag, there are rules: Can’t touch the ground; folded just so; stored near a bugle; etc. And flags, of course, need poles. You know what bunting needs? You just need to know where to buy bunting. That’s it.

Now, I personally do not know where to buy bunting. I’ve been around this planet. I’ve explored. I’ve shopped. Man, I’ve seen things for sale that will never be unseen. You know what I’ve never seen for sale? Bunting.