I don’t mean to brag or anything. I mean, really, I’m just a guy. I put my pants on one leg at a time. In many ways, I’m human—just like you.

On the other hand, there is something that sets me apart. Something extremely attractive about me. Something that makes me, well, special.

I don’t mean to make too much of it, but it turns out I am highly sought after.

Several times a week—sometimes several times a day—someone reaches out to me. This person is either a ‘recruiter,’ someone from ‘HR,’ or a ‘headhunter’—someone looking for just the right skills. My skills.

It turns out there is a big-time job out there for someone as qualified and capable and astonishingly hirable as me. This is a life-changing opportunity. This is a job that pays shockingly well, requires very little effort, comes with flexible hours, and unlimited upward mobility. It’s almost too good to be true.

Now, the work itself is a bit vague. Sometimes, all I need is a smart phone. Other times, a computer. Some positions require nothing more than “basic internet access.” Yet, nearly every offer makes one thing clear: should I be lacking in any of these resources, the company—this generous, deep-pocketed enterprise—will provide them.

And again, not to brag—but I do have a computer. I’ve had one since the ‘80s. I also have a phone. Not a flip phone either. I own a smartphone.

And, in fact, I pay top dollar for what the industry calls “basic internet access”— a premium package that mostly never goes out, and which allows me, at any time of day, to binge the latest Netflix series on my TV while simultaneously ignoring that series on my laptop and shopping for unnecessary personal items.

This is a flexible, part-time opportunity— just for me. There is no set schedule. They provide free training. And the pay… Wait till you hear about the pay. The compensation ranges from $200 a day to $6,000 a day. That’s right. Per day. Some people—cynical people— might find that enormous pay range to be a bit suspicious.

That’s why they don’t offer this job to skeptics. This work… must be done by believers.

Even if I’m on the low end of the range, $200 a day isn’t bad. That’s more than I make doing things I actually know how to do. And if I’m one of the elite? If I can bring in $6,000 a day?

I don’t want to get into the specifics of my current financial situation, but $6,000 a day for flexible, part-time work I can do from my phone would definitely make me reconsider my current answer to the question: “Dad, can we get a seafood tower?” Hitherto, my response has ranged from: “Um, no” to “Kid, do you have $170 in your pocket?” to “There is no version of our life together that will include a seafood tower.” On the other hand, what if one time I said “Sure,” and watched their eyeballs fall out of their head in disbelief.

I’m not naive. I know I’m not the only person with this rare and wonderful combination of perfect qualifications.

But I do know I’m special— because I receive so many of these job offers each week.

And interestingly, the longer I hold out… the more lucrative they become.

At first it was $200 a day. Then $600. Then $6,000 a day!

Everything is a negotiation, I suppose. And the more I don’t leap at their generous, clearly legitimate offers… the more generous and legitimate The Firm becomes.

I’m currently in the process of accepting a “senior” position at The

Firm.

The final step—before the money starts rolling in—is to provide them with my Social Security number, date of birth, bank account number, and login and password for my investment accounts. Then—if I understand correctly— all I have to do is sit back and watch the magic happen.

The key, I think, is playing hard to get. Oh—and of course—being special. Very, very special.